Remember
by SickJester
Summary: A sequel to a love story never told. This story takes place during third impact, while Shinji must fight to remember pre third impact days.
1. Chapter I: A Forgotten Clearing

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, or any rights at all for that matter. I don't make money from this, nor do I want to. I do this for fun, and the love of the story. 

Notes: This story is to be a strange, surreal-like third-impact world. Obviously a love story for the sappy dudes like me. However, this story will be adult-oriented. From years of reading fiction, I would recommend that anyone 17 or younger have parental guidance on many of the issues covered. This story will include sexuality, language, and a dark undertone. Please read with care, and remember that it's only a fan fiction.

Also, this is to be a SHORT story. It will be divided into a few/several short chapters. Don't expect me to grab a dump truck of EVA for you.

Story Title: Remember Chapter One: The Forgotten Clearing Author: Mosher-24

Sometimes I'd forget which way was up or down when I sat like this. My feet were in the air, my head looking at the television upside down, the dark screen reflecting the sun through the blinds. The air was quiet, a blanket of silence around my motionless form. I blinked slowly once, twice, and smiled at nothing in particular.

The refrigerator hummed softly as it created new ice. A bird sang lazily outside the window.

"I need to get up," I said to myself, though I didn't know why. I didn't need to get up, nor did I have to say it aloud to myself.

_'Then get up.'_

I looked around for the source of the voice I had heard, but failed to locate it. A cold feeling rose from my stomach to my throat, as I sat unable to move. The apartment was once again quiet; nothing moved. I blinked slowly again. Again.

With slow, deliberate movements, I rose from the couch, and moved to the door. My shoes were easy enough to put on, and I was soon on my way out. The door hissed shut behind me, and the bright of day shone in my eyes. The air, only a hint of a breeze, was still and quiet, and everywhere could feel it was a Sunday.

_'Is it Sunday?'_

I started, and looked behind me. Nothing. To the right. Nothing. All around. Nothing, nothing, nothing. I swallowed hard and ran a hand through my air. The voice was faint, as if far away, not to mention the girl's voice was very soft. It was all too familiar to me, but all I wanted to do was run. I wanted to run from this damned apartment, this damned city, and this damned body I was in.

But I was Shinji Ikari and I couldn't change it, could I?

"No," I whispered to myself as I started out of the building, down the stairs, out the doors, through the parking lot. I started to run. My legs pumped hard, sending a warm adrenaline feeling through my body like a spreading fire. My chest started to burn, but I paid no mind. My breath became more like a mantra in my head, then the sound of breathing.

I don't know where I was headed. I ran because I could, and that's it. My path went over hills, through streets, in front of cars, through parks, and when I stopped, I had no idea where I was. I looked around, breathing hard, an ache in my chest. My vision was slightly blurry, but I got a good picture.

It was a small clearing in what appeared to be a woodland area, except I could see the street if I looked back to where I came from. The sun seemed channeled directly on this place, and I knew this was where I was supposed to go.

In the center of the clearing was a pond, dirty and unremarkable. Inside, small fish swam around, oblivious of their small little world. There were few plants, no flowers, and almost a total lack of aesthetic value, but I felt almost a spiritual connection to this place. It was built for me, I knew it.

"It was built for us," came a soft female voice from behind me. With a languid slowness, I turned to face a slender, pale girl with crimson eyes, and deep blue hair. I knew her name. I knew the school outfit she was wearing, and the way she walked. Her footsteps were silent on the carefully cut grass, whispering sounds of closeness getting ever closer.

"What do you mean?" I asked her. Her face came ever closer to mine, those crimson eyes staring, unblinking, daunting. The sun seemed to intensify, and illuminate even the smallest of facial expressions in this girl, or was that just my imagination?

"It is strange that you do not remember," Rei said evenly, not even the slightest look of disappointment on her face. I closed my eyes, and opened them again to make sure she was real. The first child was still standing there when my eyes reopened, the same look on her face, the same look in her eyes.

"I want to remember," I said to her, feeling a slight desperation somewhere in my chest, though I wasn't sure why. A car went by on the road, followed by another, and a bird chirped somewhere close. All was silent again after that, except for the constant sound of bugs in the distance. The sky was free of clouds, the sun having an unobstructed view of Rei and I.

"Paint me a picture, Ikari," she said softly, before turning away and walking off. Her pale figure disappeared somewhere in the bright sunlight, and I found myself once again alone in the solitude of the forgotten clearing. My eyes moved all around, but again, I was left at a loss for the happenings of the day. I sighed. What could I ever do but sigh?

I had acquired the items I needed. The canvas as set up in my little closet room. I had all matters of acrylic colours strewn around my desktop; on my bed a variety of brushes. I had never painted before. I knew it was going to stink, but something in what Rei said made me do it. It was compelling, and I knew somehow would be rewarding.

"What are you doing?" came a voice from the hall. I had forgotten to close my door, and now a red haired teenager was staring at me with inquisitive eyes. I looked at her and attempted a smile, but I'm sure it was the shy smile she always hated, because she came right into my room to survey my supplies with a disgusted sigh.

"Painting? Since when do you know how to paint, Shinji?" Asuka asked, not necessarily prodding me, but more asking out of genuine curiosity. I shrugged, as did she, before leaving my room. I watched her walk down the hall and out into the main room. I heard her turn on the television as I shut the door to my room. Misato was still not home.

I took a brush in my hand and stared at it for minutes. I looked at each strand and then I looked at it all together before I began to get an idea. I need blue to start, so I made a palette out of my desk. On any other day, the thought of doing that would have disgusted me. It was a thought too out of the norm, too far from my comfort zone. I liked stuff clean, but not today.

_That's it._

I didn't even miss a beat when I heard the soft, far away voice. I dipped the brush in the blue and dragged it across the canvas, and I was on my way. I didn't know what I was painting, but my hands did. They did al the work for me. Asuka laughed in the other room. I heard the bathroom door open, shut, then open and shut a few minutes later. I heard cars, airplanes, helicopters, and people. I eventually heard the heaters kicking to life, the birds, the bugs, the dogs, and the cats. I heard everything, and I ignored it and it felt great.

When I was finished with the painting, I stared at it. I was in awe of what I had painted. It wasn't pretty. It wasn't beautiful, but it was something. It was something I had never experienced before, but somehow the painting brought back memories. It was like reading a post-it note from a diary of someone else, vivid enough to see it yourself.

Except for the fact that it was a post-it note from the diary of my life. And I had forgotten, until now.

To be continued.


	2. Chapter II: The Most Beautiful Tradegy

Chapter Two: The Most Beautiful Tragedy  
Story Title: Remember  
Author: Mosher-24

A very rough painting of Rei, blue hair and all, leaning on me near the forgotten clearing stood in front of me. I hadn't planned to paint it, I had just closed my eyes and let my hands do the work. I was filthy with paint on my hands, and even on my face. None of that bothered me, however, because I couldn't shift my focus from this painting.

I felt something hot in my chest, but I choked it back and hit the painting clear across the room. It hit the door with a loud smack, and I sat down on my bed, putting my head in my hands and breathing deeply. I was terrified, a sharp ache coiling around my body.

"That can't be real," I said to myself. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't remember. If it was truly a memory, then what happened to me to make me forget it? I started to hyperventilate.

"What the fuck?" Asuka yelled from the front room, before making her way to my door and tossing it open without bothering to knock. She was silent as she picked up the thrown painting, and then looked over at me, my head in my hands, paint all over, breathing hard. I was unsure of how she would react, but as Asuka always had a way of doing, she surprised me.

'_I'm impressed, Shinji.'_

I looked at Asuka as if she had spoken, but it was apparent she had not yet opened her mouth. The room seemed to get darker, and the air denser. The second child did not seem to notice, when she finally looked at me and spoke.

"This painting sucks," she said, and I chuckled. I chuckled at first, then started to laugh so hard I couldn't breathe. I fell back on the bed and felt tears fall down my eyes. Asuka only stared at me as I went through the small fit of hysteria. When I sat back up, rubbed my eyes, and looked back at her, she spoke once more.

"What is this?" she asked, pointing to the painting. She would except any response but one, but I only had one to offer.

"I don't know," I said softly, looking to the floor to avoid her ice eyes. Those eyes always pierced straight through mine. She knew me inside, I knew it.

"God dammit, Shinji. Don't you know anything? You painted this picture, you should know what the fuck it is!" she demanded, and she threw the painting across the room. It cracked on the wall, but I didn't even look at it. I didn't care.

"I just closed my eyes and painted it, Asuka, honest," I explained, and it was almost like I had to have her acceptance to even leave the matter alone. I had never known why I did that, and I hated it. I hated it because it was weak, and it was just one more reminder of how weak I was.

_'__At least you knew it…'_

Asuka looked almost sepia tone when she came at me. Her face got really close to mine, and I found myself staring into her eyes as if transfixed. I knew I wasn't actually transfixed. I was afraid of looking away, afraid she'd hate me more for that. Afraid she'd leave.

Asuka never knew just how afraid of her I was.

"Why are you here?" she asked angrily, her right hand grabbing the collar of my shirt. She pulled me in nose to nose with her, and narrowed her eyes. I could feel the pure energy that was Asuka burning as if she were a star in a sea of dead rocks.

"I-I don't know," I stuttered in response, but that wasn't what she wanted to hear. She shook me violently, never losing grip on my collar. I was dizzy and slightly dazed when she stopped and repeated the angry question, this time louder.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?" she said once more, and shook me more violently this time. I was about to cry, and I hated it. I hated myself so much that I reached my hands out and placed them on Asuka's cheeks. Her eyes widened, and I followed through. It happened so fast, I wasn't even sure if it was real or just one of my recent hallucinations.

But when I pulled away, Asuka didn't go back to how she was. After I kissed Asuka, she never looked at me the same. Her eyes burned into mine, and her face was blank. She had let go of my collar. We must have stood there for five minutes, letting the sounds of life outside overrule anything we would have wanted to say.

And then it happened for the first time of many. Asuka kissed me back, and I got caught up in a river. The warm water swelled up and swallowed me hole and didn't want to let go. I had no idea what I was doing, nor what I was thinking, but Asuka didn't either.

I kissed Asuka all over. I kissed from her lips to her ears and on down her neck and farther. I deposited her clothes next to my bed, then mine. We were careless and caught up, and I ended up sleeping with Asuka then. I was inside her, and somehow I felt whole, kissing her neck, her lips, and watching her face as I did what came naturally to my body.

_'It seems so trivial now…'_

I laid with Asuka all the rest of the day. We didn't talk. We didn't have sex again. We had only cleaned up, and then laid back down. Our clothes were still in a heap, the door was still open. But we didn't care. I sighed, and watched the ceiling. I knew this ceiling. It was comfortable.

I didn't love Asuka. I didn't like her voice, nor the way a snobbish tone would always sneak it's way into her words. I never loved Asuka, but I was comfortable with her. I felt like she was the only person in the world who understood problems like what I was going through. She was the only person who wouldn't let me get away with being Shinji just for the sake of it.

Asuka was, in a way, a soul mate. I hated her, but I didn't. She annoyed me, but she didn't. She was the only solid ground I had to stand on, and I stood on her. I used her, I admit it.

But she used me too. Asuka was just as fucked up as I was.

"I need to shower," Asuka said evenly to me, getting out of bed and walking out into the hall. I heard the bathroom door shut moments later, and the water in another moment.

I never thought of joining her. I didn't have that kind of sexual appeal toward Asuka, and I was sure the same feelings were reciprocated. We had slept together out of a necessity for understanding between the two of us. I closed my eyes and sighed.

But all I could think about was Rei. I couldn't think about the beautiful body Asuka had laid out for me. I couldn't think of her red cheeks, or her bit lip.

I could only think about Rei's crimson eyes looking into mine.

I fell asleep shortly thereafter, with Asuka's shower loud in my ears.

Asuka and I slept together every night after that. I never held her. I never stroked her hair and told her I loved her. I laid next to her in silence, and we had an understanding. That was the most beautiful tragedy I ever created.

_'You are beginning to recognize…'_

I left the apartment one day. It was hot, and I was being driven to madness by the ticking of the clock. Asuka was not home, and neither was Misato. Misato was never home. All I had for company was Pen-Pen, who wasn't very good conversation.

I won't lie and say I didn't know where I was going when I left. I knew exactly where I was going. The heat seemed to dog me every step I took, pushing my clothes tighter against my skin, and causing a slight sweat to break out across my brow.

I heard it before I saw it. The construction.

I looked up at the large building, and headed through the deserted floors until I reached the fourth story. I didn't know why I was here, but this was where I wanted to be.

Rei was looking out the window. She didn't look up when I entered. Her crimson eyes were centered on an object I could not see. I took my shoes off in the doorway and stood next to her bed, which she was sitting on. She made a slight head nod to acknowledge my presence.

"Ikari-kun.. Why are you here?" she asked softly, letting her focus linger out the window, before returning it to her room, and focusing on me. I looked at her, I looked at the floor, I looked out the window, but nowhere I looked carried the answer she was seeking.

"I don't know," I said to her. She looked at me for a while, and then nodded.

"Did you paint?" she asked me, her gaze getting more pointed. I gulped and nodded in response, thinking to the broken canvas of a shitty drawing in my room, which was covered in sex. I felt bad.

"I did paint," I said, avoiding her eyes with all my might.

"What did you paint?" she asked. I knew she'd ask that.

"I painted… the forgotten clearing…" I said slowly. I still refused to look her in the eye. I could feel those crimson orbs focusing on my down-turned head, and I knew she could tell I was lying.

"Is that all?" she asked, almost so softly I couldn't hear her speak.

"Yes," I said, ashamed of myself. I was so ashamed of myself, I felt a tear fall down my cheek, and watched it splatter on the floor. I finally looked up, and Rei was staring at me, just as she was before.

"Then you do not remember…" she said more to herself than to me. She stood and went into her bathroom. I heard the shower start, and I couldn't help but chuckle, even though there were tears streaming down my face now.

I didn't know why I was crying, but I cried all the way home. When I finally got there, I opened the door to see Asuka sitting on the couch, watching television. She looked up at me, and we stared at each other for a long time. My eyes must have been red, and my face tearstained, because I could tell she wanted to ask.

But she didn't.

She never would.

Instead, she got up, and I followed her into my room, where we shut the door, and silently took all our clothes off.

I felt so dirty when I went to sleep.

And I don't know why.

I let my eyes close, and I let my dreams overtake me once again, except this time it wasn't a dream, but a memory.

And I woke up crying out, "I remember!"

"I remember…" I repeated to myself silently, as Asuka stirred next to me.

"Remember what?"

To be continued...


	3. Chapter III: Epiphany

A note from the author: I have been away from Evangelion fan fiction for a long time. Far too long, in my eyes. I needed a break from the stress of trying to put out a chapter quicker than my brain wanted to work on the story. The beautiful part of this all is the lack of deadlines.

However, we are close to the end of this story now and I present to you a chapter born of sickness, the Evangelion soundtracks, and the sick and twisted mind of this author. Love to all.

Chapter Three: Epiphany

I ignored Asuka's groggy sounding question and wiped a tear from my right eye. The air in the room tensed like a muscle, and I could almost feel the rise and fall of the tissue as I stood up and dressed. Asuka was waking up quickly now. I could feel the energy of her warm nude body only feet away from me.

"Remember what, Shinji?" she asked, this time with a much more barbed voice. Her curiosity was one of her strongest characteristics, and it knew no bounds of privacy. At least when on the subject of me.

"You aren't real," I said to her. It was either the stony way in which I looked at her, or the calm of my voice that widened her eyes. She looked as if she had been dipped in an extremely cold bath, but even then I felt that I was surrounded by a calm sea, no waves or disruptions to speak of.

"Yes, I am," she said so quietly that it took me several moments to register what she said. I looked at her, and smiled softly before I took off out of the room. Out of the apartment, minus my shoes. I hated shoes.

I had buttoned my shirt crookedly, and my pants were loose and falling off my ass, but I ran. The asphalt under my feet was cool and hard in the moonlight, smacking against my bare soles. A stunted shock shot up my legs every step I took. In my frenzy, I nearly ran into a sign on the side of the road.

'_You know where to go…'_

As I reached the clearing, a shutter ran through me. But not just through me, through the entire world. I was brought to my knees on the edge of the sidewalk and the grass to the forgotten clearing. It was as if my pants were nonexistent, I could feel all the contours of the concrete and the grass, contrasting like white and black against my legs.

'_Epiphany.'_

I saw Rei turn toward me, smile nor frown upon her face. She was even as ever, but as she took steps closer to me, I felt a continuing elation. Her steps began to echo in my head, louder and louder.

"Do you remember?" she asked, her toes just an inch from the sidewalks edge. I looked up at her, and felt tears begin to fall down my cheek. I nodded slowly at first, unsure if I had recalled it all, but it became more firm as I continued through the revelation I'd had in my sleep.

"Then walk with me," she said, a slight upturn of her lips, and she extended her hand. I grasped it, and when I passed the threshold of the sidewalk, I felt as if I had woken up and walked outside from a concrete prison.

"Do you know what this place is?" she asked me, as we stopped by the pond. Her crimson eyes tore me up, like paper being ripped from a straw. I felt parts of me fall to the ground behind me, and a fog lifted from my brain.

"This is Tokyo-3," I replied and she nodded her head.

"What is that place?" she asked, pointed to the place from which we had come.

"That is not real," I replied. For the first time in a very long time, a smile broke across Rei's face. It was the strangest sight. Of this seemingly emotionless creature Rei, I knew very little. But somehow, I knew so much. I took her into my arms, and she leaned her head against my shoulder.

I looked from where I had come, and then to the only other place to go, and found that they were identical. Both sides of the pond looked the same, with the same car and buildings.

"So Third Impact really did happen?" I asked her, running a hand through her soft blue hair. I smelled her and I knew that smell. I had known the smell for hundreds of years, it seemed.

"Yes. And you and I…" she began, but I cut her off.

"We stood here, just like this waiting, for it to all crash down," I said, and she looked up into my eyes.

"I was instrumental in implementing Third Impact. For that I apologize. However, I was able to divide myself for the few moments we spent here. This place is like a sanctuary between two worlds," she said softly into my ear. Her breath tickled my skin and sent chills throughout my body.

"How was this place created?" I asked her, for she seemed to have more knowledge than I ever possessed. There was a long silence.

"I think this place was created out of a combined need for sanctuary of so many people that entered into Third Impact. This place is the hopes of thousands, that they will one day be able to return to real life," she said. I was silent for a long time, holding this fragile, yet extremely powerful being in my arm.

"Have I been living a lie?" I asked Rei.

"It's been real to you. The people closest to you have been able to show a bit of themselves through your minds wall. However, yes. You have created world after world for nearly four thousand years now," she replied, and I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. So long…. So long…

"Why have I not aged?" I asked her, a single tear falling from my eye to her perfect hair.

"You have. You have been born and died of old age plenty of times, Ikari-kun," she replied. I was so accustomed to her soft voice that I didn't even have to listen very hard anymore to make it out.

"What happens if I return to real life?" I asked.

"Then you join thousands of people who have made the same choice over the years. For instance, Misato Katsuragi," Rei told me evenly, and I smiled.

"However, you will find her an old woman. I believe she should be turning sixty-eight this year," Rei added. I felt my face straighten and a sadness envelope my heart. Though I wasn't sure why. It could have been the fact that I never wanted to envision the lovely and determined woman becoming old and grey.

"So now I have to choose between two worlds, huh?" I asked her, a chuckle escaping my throat amidst my words. She stepped away from me, holding my gaze in hers.

"That is the way it works," she said, and I heard sadness inside her voice that I'd never heard before.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"If you go to the real world, I cannot follow," she said after a short pause. I felt a sinking in my heart like rocks in a paper boat.

"Why?" I asked her. She smiled.

"I am instrumental in Third Impact Shinji. I cannot leave," she said, and it was surprising to hear her use my first name. Rei took a step closer to me and stood on her toes to get her mouth close to my ear.

"I want you to have a real life," she whispered to me, and I felt a hot tear fall from her eye to my cheek. It coursed down my neck and absorbed somewhere in my shirt. I raised my hands to her cheeks and kissed her with all my soul. I felt my toes warm, my heart race, and a tug somewhere near my stomach.

"I will miss you my love. We have only had a short time in real life together, but I remember when I first kissed you, and when you burst from your shell. How will I ever be happy again?" I asked her. I was not a talkative boy, nor a particularly eloquent one, but the circumstance was almost making my brain run on overdrive.

"You have had lifetimes to figure out what makes you happy, Shinji Ikari. If you do not know by now, then you are a lost cause," it was her sense of humor, though she did not smile or laugh. I laughed and choked on my sobs at the same time.

"I don't remember," I mouth to her as my vision blurred into a hot and salty sea.

"Then paint a picture," that was the last time I heard Rei's voice in my lifetime to follow, feeling her soft and pale hands shove me out of the clearing and onto the sidewalk of real life.

A deafening boom sounded as it happened, and I felt like I was being pushed through a frigid waterfall. I hit the pavement and scraped my elbow, but I did not care. I wiped my eyes quickly, and looked back at the clearing, but it was empty, and I could see through to the other side, which was a small elementary school.

I stood and looked around at a city that had been taken back by nature. Trees grew through buildings, and animals wandered the street. Apparently four thousand years didn't see the return of enough people to keep all the old cities as they were. I looked up and down the now wild street, and felt one last silent tear fall from my face.

I had an old woman to visit, grey-haired by now.

I wanted to see if she'd recognize the body of this fourteen year-old boy, with the soul of a four thousand year old man.

THE END

Author's notes: To those who want me to expand on Rei and Shinji's romantic history, that's up to your imaginations. I don't have to spell everything out.

However, there will be an epilogue.


End file.
